Nature’s Call… The She-P Debut
Caution: The following blog contains adult content and humor, parental advisory is highly suggested. If you are easily offended, do not read.
Well I know I am supposed to be an “adult” and a professional, so I should be able to talk properly about male and female anatomy without snickering, but let’s face it …. I still can’t help but blush saying the word “vagina” or laugh hearing the word “penis”, so for the purpose of this blog, please refer to the slang chart on the right if you are unsure of what I am saying.
Recently, there has been an increase in blogs about She-Ps and male Condom Catheters, but I honestly didn’t find any helpful. Humorous, but not helpful. Why was I reading them you ask?
Well, I am a proud wet-suit pee-er. I have no shame in peeing in my wetsuit, even on a 20 minute dive. I don’t ignore Nature’s Call when I get the urge, I let it all free flow (haha see what I did there?). With proper hydration, I can’t hold it more than an hour, so in a wetsuit I usually pee anywhere from 2-4 times during a dive (depending dive time). Sure it’s gross when you think about it, my pee has now seeped through my entire wetsuit, only to be flushed out when I am ready to surface. BUT when I get home, my wetsuit goes in the washing machine (front loader) on hand-wash, extra rinse, with a dash of detergent. Twice.
So what does this have to do with the She-P? Well not only can I not go more than hour without peeing, I also can’t go more than an hour without freezing my @$$ off! Which means I have finally caved (no pun intended on my recent cave training) and bought a drysuit; one of the first, Dive Rite Lady’s 905 drysuits in Parmasoft.
Let’s rewind to my absolute “hold-it-in” time limit of 60 minutes and remember, now I am in a drysuit. No more letting it rip. Unless I want soaked undergarments and a gigantic plastic bag filled with pee… no thanks. So 61 minutes or more and I’m walking on water like a Jesus Lizard sprinting to the bathroom to pee, turning into a contortionist trying to unzip my own drysuit. Quite the spectacle, if you’ve ever seen a diver about to pee in their drysuit.
Before I even get into the She-P debacle, I want to quickly talk about hydration. You probably read right over my sentence above without thinking twice about “proper hydration”. Hydration doesn’t mean taking a sip of water right before a dive. It means hydrating the day/night before your dive, and fully the day, hours and minutes leading up to your dive. You should have to pee before your dive and during your dive. If you don’t, you are DEHYDRATED. OK, back to having to pee on your dive. Peeing in a wetsuit, fine. Peeing in a drysuit, kind of gross unless you have a p-valve, but holding your pee isn’t good for you either. Holding your pee for extended periods of time or repeatedly can lead to urinary tract infections in both men and women, also gross. Moral of the story, drink lots of water, don’t pee in your drysuit, but don’t hold it in either!
Enter She-P. Alright let’s get down to the nitty gritty on this thing and why I originally started reading some blogs on them. We already know I get cold and can’t hold it for more than an hour, well now that I am getting into tech diving, and longer cave dives … peeing (in my drysuit) has become an issue. I drink about a gallon of water a day, which means I pee like a racehorse … a lot. There are three choices you have as a female diver. Holding it (nope), wearing a diaper (nope, nope, nope), or a She-P (yup). Read some blogs, not so useful, talked to a few chicks, more useful, but still an awkward conversation to have. But I have no shame, so let’s do this!
Let’s start with, does your drysuit have a p-valve? No? Okay, your drysuit manufacturer can install one, or Gamble Scuba in Gainesville, FL is highly recommended. Your p-valve can be installed on the left or right leg, and will typically be located on the inner thigh. Naturally, I have a Dive Rite P-Valve, which they installed for me. The Dive Rite valve is small and low profile, and a few other manufacturers make them as well (very expensive). Next, let’s talk about where to buy a She-P. An authorized dealer will carry She-P, to find one near you, visit www.she-p.com. They come as just a silicone unit or as a kit. The kit includes the unit, adhesive, adhesive removers, tape, and a quick disconnect. Adhesive can either be spray or “paint on”. More on the adhesive in moment…
If you have never seen a She-P, it sort of looks like a baby stingray.
Now that you have a p-valve installed in your drysuit and you’ve got your She-P, get ready to go diving! But first, let’s talk about preparation. This is a key step for a less painful removal later. Porn Star. That’s the look you want to go for. My guy friends that wear Condom Catheters always bitch about manscaping, but trust me, this isn’t Elmer’s glue we’re talking about. You want to be clean shaven or even waxed. I don’t just mean a bikini line shave either, I mean leg up on the shower wall; hoo-ha, lady lips, and butthole kind of shave. Best done with a mirror, a really good best friend, or husband. For a cleaner shave, use hot water and a brand new razor, or take some shots and just go get a wax. You want to pay close attention to where the adhesive will be; to do so, prior to shaving, hold the She-P up to your hoo-ha to see where the silicone skirt will sit and take a mental note.
Adhesive. Again, not your kindergarten Elmer’s glue. This $h!t is like Gorilla Glue, but I guess it has to be if it’s going to withstand the high flow of pee during a dive. Adhesive can come as a spray or as a “paint on”. I opted for the paint on, which initially seemed less messy and easier to control the application. But anyway, some females prefer the spray, this should be applied in an area that you don’t mind getting sticky (probably the shower). The “paint on” glue is best applied by stretching the skin around your lady lips, this ensures the total surface area is covered with adhesive. You do NOT want to get adhesive on/in your butthole or your inner-lady lips, trust me. Allow the adhesive to become tacky. This takes anywhere from 15-30 seconds, depending on how much adhesive you apply. While you wait for your hoo-ha to become sticky, apply adhesive to the She-P. Cover the entire skirt surface area with adhesive and allow it to become tacky as well.
Application. Once the adhesive is tacky (there is some debate as to how tacky is should be, so use your own judgment) apply the She-P from the front to the back with the tail in the front. I say apply from front to back so you can align the She-P with your pee hole in the pocket. [If you don’t know where your pee hole is, retake anatomy and physiology, or go to the bathroom and watch where your pee comes out]. Make sure you press the skirt down on the sides of your lady lips, all the way to your taint. If the She-P does not make it to the skin near your taint, apply extra adhesive and use the body tape to create a seal, otherwise you will have leakage. Allow it to dry for a moment or two before moving around.
Use. Test it out first. A good idea is to stand in the shower (make sure you take your socks off) and try to pee, look for any leaks. Try to resist spelling your name (but works best if you hold the tail). It will feel weird at first. The pocket on the She-P will fill with pee before draining out the tail, be sure to jiggle a little to get all the pee out before stepping out of the shower. For the first few dives, it is wise to wear an adult diaper as a backup, tucking the tail facing upwards until ready to connect to plumbing. At the dive site, make sure your quick disconnect is inserted into the tail of your She-P and your plumbing is ready in your drysuit. Suit up as normal, and run your p-valve tubing up your leg with a natural loop coming down to meet your She-P tail. Make sure there are NO kinks! During the dive, ease into your peeing spree. If you pee forcefully, you may blow off your She-P and will no longer be in a drysuit; just ask any guy who uses a condom catheter. You will be able to feel the pee pooling in the pocket, at first it may feel like your She-P is leaking, but forreassurance, put your hand down by your p-valve, you will be able to feel warm pee seeping out of the suit. Happy Peeing!
Removal. And now you’ll be thankful you look like a porn star. You can do the SLOW peel off, the soak in hot water, or the quick like a band aid (highly un-recommended). Follow up with adhesive removal wipes to clean off any additional stickiness.
Care. You will need to remove the adhesive from your She-P using a removal pad. You will also need to disinfect your She-P and p-valve on your drysuit. If you do not clean your p-valve, you put yourself at high risk for infection. She-Ps are not a one-time use tool, so make sure you store it and care for it like a baby stingray.
The She-P is a great tool for female divers. I highly recommend it, especially for longer dives. Happy peeing, ladies! Go write your name in the dirt or pee on a tree! But most importantly, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate before your dives.